feeling like crap

Been tired and had a stomach ache all day. My hours were shit. I brought work home but J wanted to eat out and I went along instead of just getting down to it. I should take this as a sign that I need to do work at work, and not bring it home to be tempted by other distractions. Now I’m tired.

Terry brought in cookies and a dvd for me. It was really sweet. Esther and Paul have been amazing to me. Nicole today offered to get her bone marrow tested to see if she is a match (given our vastly different ethnic backgrounds I doubt it…). I feel cared for.

I stared at my screen today for hours. I couldn’t focus. My mind was wandering and kept asking, “why am i at work?” But then I’d see someone I love, and I’d fill with love and happiness, and I’d remember it’s the people that keep me here. I would sooner work my fingers to the bone then lose these people.

We saw “I Am Legend” on Friday. I wish I hadn’t, the theme of the movie is haunting me. On top of that, the Christmas decorations still there, a summer three years later after apocalyptic happenings, reminds me of now. Christmas decorations alive and joyous but leering at me like something sinister with promise of the last Christmas I’ll see.