holding on

Sometimes bad things just happen. This week I stopped by the office to pick up the pda cords I left there. I asked Virginia, and she confirmed, yes it really was because there was a lack of work.

It was good to hear. I wanted the truth. Today I have another interview… I’m a little depressed because honestly I don’t want to move on.

I’ve been aware now for the last week – because of a therapy discovery – of when I feel nurtured and satisfied and when I don’t. Also I ask myself.. is it unreasonable to expect to be more than just satisfied most of the time? Is happy for more than just special occasions?

Although I’m not sure that really matters, because I don’t feel satisfied now or anything close to it. It’s nice to put a little work into things this week – I enjoyed going to the interview on Tuesday. It reminded me how far I’ve come and how qualified I am. At least I have something to be satisfied about.

It’s odd.. tonight at dinner kids were running around and being bad and I tried to disconnect how annoyed I was about it. I couldn’t. I let it ruin dinner (yes, again being hard on myself.) And now when I hang out with my friends, they drive me nuts. I can’t seem to stop being so hard on them… and on me…

I feel like I may see where I need to go but I don’t know how to get there. Stop being so hard on myself and be more nurturing in constructive ways. Understand that bad things just happen, and that I can be happy… and that thinking that isn’t getting my hopes up just to be dashed as usual. Maybe one day, but that day isn’t today.