He’s gone

Out of my life now. That “friend.” I’d like to say I am relieved and everything is fine but it’s simply not true. I’m mourning tonight. I feel like crying all the time. My life feels a whole lot emptier, the weight of the world a whole lot more. But in reality it was like that anyway, since he’s pushed me away and been missing for over a week… and then today, he was such a bastard.

I tried to stand up for myself so I wouldn’t be treated like crap, but he saw it as me picking a fight. Of course, I would have had to act like nothing had happened earlier when I had called him and fawned all over him for him to be happy with me tonight. How long would I have to wait until he gave me the treatment I deserved?

I gave him over a week to get through his issues enough to even TELL me why he disappeared. I’m not stupid, I figured out he was fired and took it bad. But even now, over a week later, the dude doesn’t have the fucking balls to own up to it. Maybe I’m too demanding or tough, and maybe my standards are too high, but maybe I don’t give a shit. Other people speak to me and deal with me in a way that I find acceptable, he should too. I don’t think I ask too much. Disappearing and not telling me you are alive for days after tons of calls and messages? Yeah, not cool. And the aftermath, really not cool.

Maybe he was passive-aggressively looking for a way to end it all. Good, he found it. He wasted something that was tremendous and strong and wonderful.

And now here I am with the weight of the world multiplied. I’m just so tired inside.

“This humble man tells a tale from the soul… is this what you wanted – to see me broken?”