Anxiety

Posted by Keiri on December 11th, 2006 filed in Uncategorized

This weekend I had an anxiety breakdown… lost my temper, threw things, hyperventilated, sobbed… i am feeling a lot better but I’m not sure how I’m going to handle tomorrow (err.. later today) with skill. Well, with patience, I should say. It’s getting to the point where listening to people chew is bothering me.

I lost my temper on Jarrod, on strangers, and on other friends. Once I caught on to it though, I could realize that nothing matters and I walked away from some situations and breathed my way through others.

God.. I hate when I feel like this. I have very little control and how do you explain to loved ones, friends and work people.. oh by the way I’m on edge and under pressure and about to snap at any moment, so please GO THE FUCK AWAY?


One Response to “Anxiety”

  1. Anonymous Says:
    December 24th, 2006 at 4:36 pm

    Kiri, I just dropped by your blog to say hello. Sorry to hear about some of your troubles. It helps to keep in mind that the world is imperfect, and that everyone struggles with the same issues, and that the same mistakes are made over and over again. A true historian would say, “History may not actually repeat itself, but people always do.”

    Facade

    The world is a watercolor, painted on canvas
    Where impressions and perception are all by design
    Every place that we look, every face that we see
    Is a mask, a facade, made up just for me.

    We live our lives, pretending to be
    Better than all the lives we perceive.
    But beneath the surface of it all
    The colors will run and they’ll mix
    And the truth of the world is not quite as pretty,
    as the watercolor facades we usually see.

    Behind the masks, every person has shed tears
    On how unfair and uncaring the world may appear.
    Our lives become cages, of bright painted colors
    Portraying happy, bright days and sunny displays,
    But what we keep from being seen, the truth is obscene,
    Few of us are happy, few are content, and all feel cursed
    With an unsatisfactory lot in this life that we own,
    In a manner that is sad, understated, and perverse.

    Be not disheartened, though, for people are good
    We desire to live, to help, and to love like we should
    We care and we hope, for a better time that will come
    When we all can make our reality and our fantastic facades
    As if they were one.

    Now, I know you’re one of the good people in the world. Don’t let the world tear you down, and don’t worry if it all seems pointless sometimes. We all feel that way. Sometimes piercing people’s facades is more difficult at times than others, but knowing that we all are just wearing masks and that everyone has troubles has a way of making our own struggles seem more acceptable and realistic. Sometimes reaching out and helping people overcome their problems can help you gain new perspectives. Withdrawing from the world, or from those who love you will only isolate you and make it harder. You may build walls, but don’t lock out those who truly love you. They want to help you, hold you, and they hurt when you hurt.

    “The eyes of the open heart, see what lovers hide from lover’s eyes, but that lovers always see.” – Criterion

    Regards,
    Criterion

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