Inferior?

Few caretaking things to go through before I get into it:

1. Kitsune you scare me. You understood my oblique title, now let’s both hope it’s true.

2. Browen keep me updated on Dawn, please, icq/email if need be.

3. Andy, don’t read anything into this. Yes, I know you will anyway. But don’t.

Now onto the show.

I’m doing a little better, by that I mean I woke up this morning and applied to a couple of jobs. Yesterday the service delivered.. I kid you not.. 225 pounds of laundry back to us. Now you know why I was putting it off. Some of this stuff hadn’t been washed in over a year. I could not carry this up and down 3 flights of stairs and do load after load when I’m depressed enough to rather not eat than eat because it takes too much energy. I’m ashamed. I can’t believe it got that bad.

I desperately need to get my car repaired, bar dues paid, and go to the supermarket. Let’s see if having a good start helps at all.

Now as to confusion…

You guys ever been in a relationship where you DESPERATELY want someone to like you, yet you don’t really like everything about them? Where you are a little obsessed with getting their approval? When you know they are abusive/fucked in the head/dark aura’d and yet you still would be crushed if they didn’t want you around? When no matter how giving and loving and wonderful you think you are being, it is ignored and the focus is on what _they_ do for _you_ on those days they do something generous or sweet?

What the fuck is THAT all about? It ends up making you feel inferior even though in a normal relationship, you may be appreciated and strong and loved. Why would you be drawn to something like that? What is the appeal? What causes it? What is wrong with those partners who instigate that kind of behavior? Does anyone have any links I could read?