It’s been a while
Posted by Keiri on July 1st, 2005 filed in UncategorizedSince my last update. To be honest, I’ve been a bit depressed. I’ve had a few interviews. Today’s interview consisted of a lawyer asking me if I would be comfortable defending people who raped, tortured and killed their children.
Um…
No.
I haven’t been eating better. I haven’t been feeling better. I have some sort of infection the doctors can’t pinpoint. I’m rundown and in constant aches and pains. We’re worried about money again, and I’m too tired and crappy feeling to go out and buy groceries. My car looks like a dumptruck dumped dirt and bird crap on it. The refridgerator’s been broken for months and I can’t be bothered to call the office to repair it. I just.. am.. totally.. done.
Emotionally I’ve shut out my friends. Andy, Phil and Browen maybe get one reply to their instant messages, if they are lucky, two. I called one friend in the last 2 months.. Derek..once. Someone I haven’t talked to in weeks and weeks and weeks, even online, so I felt I needed to catch him up. He didn’t even know I had been fired.
I don’t answer the phone when family calls. I let messages sit on the machine for days. I do handle my employment stuff immediately, and have been pretty on top of my doctor situation lately. Trying to get my records for my new doctor.
Jarrod and I are fine but often I feel like I upset him to the point where he gets very very quiet. I’m not sure what I’m doing to bring it on but I hate it when it happens. I just must be absolutely miserable to be around.
July 1st, 2005 at 9:25 am
At least you are aware of it and not in denial. That’s good.
I think that anyone would be depressed after going through the things you have gone through recently. But it’s really starting to affect your life in a major way. It probably would be a good idea to get a professional opinion about this.
I’ve missed talking with you, but I know that you pull away from everyone when things aren’t going well. I am here if you ever want to talk.
July 1st, 2005 at 6:01 pm
I’ve missed talking with you as well, but in my case I haven’t been iming you as much-Andy can tell you, I am rarely online anymore. Trying to get outside and get some fresh air
July 1st, 2005 at 10:25 pm
I’ve gotta add that I miss having the chance to talk with ya as well for a while now. I wish there were something we could all do to wave a magic wand and make things better for you. Just know, though, that we’re all here for you, all trying to be supportive, even when yoou have to be quiet and withdrawn (a feeling I’ve found myself with every so often).
If we could all reach halfway across the country to just give you a hug at times likes these, we certainly would…
July 4th, 2005 at 8:15 pm
I feel glad I got the one or two replies I did get then!
K, I know thinks are rough now and I am not going to try pandering to you. Instead, I am going to say that I honestly think you are taking life too seriously and it may be time to get a part time job doing whatever just to put a fresh spin on things. You’ve been going nuts, (ok, going depressed) on this lawyer thing.
You’re good. You certainly have the skills. No doubt that you will indeed be a lawyer one day. But, your depressed and that depression is dragging down everything else, perhaps even your job search.
I am cautious writing this because we don’t know each other very well and it would be a very natural response for you to conclude I don’t know what I am talking about and perhaps even get upset with me for having the insolence to be so personal. I doubt you will though as you seem to see so much of human nature.
Basically, my suggestion is step completely away from the lawyer applications and jobs for 6 months and do something else. Office work, retail, volunteer work, anything. It will give you brain time to reset and you won’t feel pressure to “get a job right now!!!”
It will work out, but you need to take a step back and look for another way.
Best of luck and Happy 4th of July!