AAACHOOO!!!!

I am so ridiculously, painfully, insanely sick! I just sneezed 20 times in a friggin row!

I had such high-falutin plans to come home from work, after dropping off the grant in Rosemead, to CLEAN AND STERALIZE this place… but no, no, that didn’t happen. Instead I took some dayquil because I couldn’t swallow and my throat felt like sandpaper. My kitty cat beckoned to me in her seductive “Come snuggle with me, don’t I look happy?” way, and I passed out with her curled up in my arms. When I began sneezing about 10 minutes ago she ran for dear life. Poor thing has no concept of what is wrong with me.

For those of you who have been keeping count, today was the first non-insanely-pouring-rain day in 10 days. The rainfall is now higher than it’s been in 100 years. Many homes in downtown have been condemned. It was beautiful today. Some high clouds but otherwise just soggy ground to remind us of the deluge.

I know this blog keeps referring to Echrai’s blog, but see, she and I have a lot in common. One of which is we appear to have crazy sisters. Although mine’s drug problem sticks to sleeping pills.

I do love my sister. I like my brother in law a lot. And I’m crazy about my neice, Amanda.
I was thinking about Dawn today, as a matter of fact. I was thinking about how she seems to have gone through this change in her life much better than I have…

See, I have a theory that there’s a point in your life, after you accept your childhood is over and you can never have it back, and after you are out of school so you lose that feeling of “working towards something..” but BEFORE your priorities change, that you have a feeling of things not clicking. You have lost so much, the security and freedom of childhood and the feeling of order and again, security, from school. But your priorities have not caught up – your dreams must adapt and change to fit the life you have been working so long to get to. Without dreams, life is just a grind, one foot in front of the other.

My sister did not take getting over her childhood well. She felt like she lost everything when she had Amanda. She pretty much combined her depression over that with post partum depression and boom, she was a mess. But when she recovered, it seemed like she instantly found her new priorities, love, and joy… Amanda. Now when I talk to her I hear a tone in her voice, the things she says.. and I know she has found her personal groove.

My sister is a good mom (in that she cares for amanda’s physical needs) but she’s also pretty damn fucking insane. She’s a drama queen, has a bad electra complex (kill mom, marry dad), and is pretty verbally and emotionally abusive. She competes with her own daughter for attention and I’m scared what Amanda will endure.

I also hope that I find my personal groove. I’m searching for it, but I’m not sure it will be kids. Not yet, anyway.