A leaf in the Wind

Posted by Keiri on January 12th, 2005 filed in Uncategorized

Little Miss Naggy has been driving me crazy to update, so I shall. To be honest, I’ve come to this page many times. Sometimes it’s been too laggy to get to the post page, but mostly I felt frozen trying to think of how to say what I want to say.

I’m back in LA. I finally seem to have kicked the cold that has dogged me for what seems like 2 weeks. Like Andy, I’m thinking quite a bit about new years resolutions. At the time.. shortly after the tsunami, I felt like it was vain to set small and comparatively insignificant goals for myself when close to 150,000 had perished in an almost biblically horrible way.

When I got back, I set my mind to getting this place in order and getting rid of things I don’t want or need, like I had been doing for my parents. Not a resolution, but a goal. However I find it harder to do that with my own things than with other people’s.. at least alone. To work on my coverletter I needed to ask Jarrod.. well, to take him up on his offer, to sit and listen to me read it as I worked on it. It was incredibly helpful. I had been stalled and that gave me the will to finish it and post it to BR forums for help.

To tie into the resolution thing, if this makes sense, Judging Amy has been covering Maxine’s life changes. At 66, she’s been pushing her family away and doesn’t want them to talk to her, come near her, and she can’t seem to bear to be nice to them.

 	   Your mother is at that point.
         What is that?
         Where pain of the past meets fear of the future. Its where most
         fighters give up.

That's where my mother appears to be. Seems like people at a certain age see nothing in their future but death,
and nothing in their past but a lot of hurt and letdown. They forget the big secret.. we are not leaves in the wind.

TAYLOR

You feel like a leaf

at the mercy of the wind.

Dont you?

Steve stops.

STEVE

Yep.

Thats right.

Thats me.

TAYLOR

Since the day you were born.

One way or another.

Someone has been doing something to you.

STEVE

(thinking hard)

No

I dont think thats true.

TAYLOR

And theyve been doing

something to you

Against your will. And by now,

Youre feeling helpless,

like a leaf in the wind.

STEVE

Taylor, it would help me out a lot,

If youd just say what’s on your mind so I could understand you.

TAYLOR

(stares into Steves eyes)

You understand me.

No matter how much youd like to

Feel sorry for yourself.

You have to change that.

Im a warrior.

A warrior would rather be defeated and

Die than act against his nature.

That is a path youve chosen to take.

Whether you know it or not.

You should assume full responsibility.

STEVE

Responsibility for what?

TAYLOR

Responsibility for everything.

Everything in your world.