fear and loathing in los angeles

There are times I think I might be a liiiittle too attached to sleep aids. I try not to use them every night because they feel too damn good. It makes me scared that I’d get addicted. My only indulgence is calcium before bed (pill form. Supposedly it helps calm people down, but I’m not 100% sure that’s working for me.)

Jarrod and I went to the local zoo today. It was nice to get out and to get some exercise, but my arthritis is really abusing me for it now.

I don’t want to let on exactly how defeatist I am currently feeling but I think I’m going to fail the bar. I’m just not sure how I will mourn it this time… it’s sort of like being dumped.. you wake up feeling normal and then it hits you… so and so left you. And the sadness sets in. And you finger the pain like a loose tooth…

it’s that whole experience I’m dreading, moreso than anything else associated with failing.