clone me

I am in terrific pain. My hips are KILLING me. And my jaw is so tight, you could bounce a dime off it. I’m one big knot of pain. I took stuff for it but I can’t sleep and it’s 4:30 am. I have work in the morning. Jarrod and I got some stuff done (laundry, food shopping, some dishes) tonight but I don’t think it’s that.. frankly, I don’t know WHAT brings this on. I fell yesterday, maybe that’s it? It gets so bad I can’t lay comfortably in bed.

I’m so sad. This pain and exhaustion and everything else is getting to me. I’m actually studying so I should be pleased. I’ve got the ball rolling on the biggest obstacle of my life and yet I’m still so far from satisfied. Some times I’m so positive and happy, and then I have times like this when being sick is so fucking frustrating!

I’m starting to realize what people complain about when you get older. Before, I never could catch up with all the crap I had to do, so a lot went by the wayside. Now I spend a ton of time trying to catch up because now I have someone to help me. But the problem is being on top of things is like.. 3 full time jobs. Then add your real one. How are you supposed to find time to relax and enjoy yourself? This is why my parents never had a nice weekend. They always spent it cleaning and working in the yard and paying bills and crap. I don’t want to be like that, but I also don’t want to have to feel guilty or bad about myself.

I really want to clean this place from top to bottom. I can’t do it at 4 30 am before work. Someone needs to clone me.